Sunday, 12 January 2014

The fish that got away

The following has been created after weaving together a few stories and extending the truth a little.

Once upon a time, not so long ago it seems for the daughters who are currently tending to their emotional scars, a traditional European couple who were parents to these wonderful daughters set about making plans for their respective futures.

They created a list of requirements and put to action a plan they thought would guarantee that their daughters would marry a man of their parents’ choice.

While the list lacked some fundamental requirements in ensuring a happy marriage, it was agreed by both husband and wife that compatibility and sexual attraction could be learnt and therefore not essential to appear on the list.

Further, if he scored a  4 out of 10 or lower in the looks department, the future husband should be able to buy his way via a third party (a cosmetic surgeon) to gain an above average mark. If the prospective husband understandably did not want surgery, a blindfold would be given to the daughter for those 'intimate moments' for procreation not enjoyment only.

Lack of any of the following however was in short, a deal breaker. Failure to meet the essential or desirable criteria, wouldn’t get a look in:

Essential:
 1. Wealthy (New or Old Money acceptable)
 2. Educated   (medical or legal degrees only)
 3. Wealthy
 4. Came from good stock (to protect the identity of these parents and daughter, I won’t say which, but the parents wanted somebody of particular cultural background - theirs)
 5. Wealthy (just to ensure essential number one was missed)
 6. Own property and in the process of purchasing more (presentation of property purchase plan OK)
7. Agree (on paper) to live next door or two doors away from parents
8. Never been married before
9. No bastards, sorry, no children from previous relationships

Desirable:
1. Have two sets of parents, married to each other, both with teeth and presentable socially 
2. If this impossible, then one or both parents to be deceased
3. Property to have in-law residence – to cater for parent’s (and not in-law) old age

They tried to ensure that their daughters were blind to their plan.Subtlety was not their forte.

The girls being girls, of course developed relationships with individuals without parental guidance.  On the rare occasion the girls risked the relationship by bringing one of these non-desirable's home, the parents provided insight  into the relationship with their future in-laws family should the non-desirable become a part of the family.

Daughter: ‘Mum, this is Shane’
Mum: ‘Oh! Allo Shine. How are your parents?’  (Parents having left poor Shine. at age 4 to be raised by his now deceased grandparents while the parents pursued a more hedonistic lifestyle. Mum would do her research before allowing any prospective son in law in the house).

Being very active in their local church, the parents were often invited to weddings, christenings engagements of family’s the girls did not know.  

Forced to play the role of the good daughter/ or cameo in a Brady-esque  happy family look, they had no choice but attend.

At one such social gathering two of the sisters found them allocated to different tables, despite not knowing anyone else at the function. The girls swiftly took charge of the situation and swapped seating cards, allowing them to sit together.  

The host (and prospective mother in law) saw the change and promptly separated the girls seating them next to their hopefully future husbands, and for the younger daughter, her sister’s future brother in law.

Sensing the proposed match, the eldest daughter refused to be interviewed by the relatives on the table she sat in frozen silence and embarrassment, glaring at her parents across the room.

Her stare, filled with such controlled rage that for once in their experience as ‘guiding parents’ they felt a little frightened and dreaded the drive home. Her silence and seething became as loud as the grooms yellow jacket. Her parents feeling the heat, started to sweat and glisten in a similar way to the prospective grooms bald head.

The youngest daughter, having taken advantage of the free booze sauntered over to her sister’s table. lent over, introduced herself to her prospective brother in law. 

Taking up as much of his personal space as she could without sitting on him, she stepped back suddenly looked at him in disgust and said ‘if you want to make a good impression – probably best not to eat garlic before a function. Here have a mint and good luck with the next girl.’

Conversation at the table, and those nearby stopped.  The sisters looked at each other in mutual love and adoration. The proposed match ground to a halt.

Not perturbed by the failed match, the parents soldiered on.  One failed attempt after the other, their circle of friends and networks with sons that were prospective matches shrunk. Fortunately, the eldest daughter surprised all and bought home a young man that met essentials 2. 4. 6. 7. 8 and 9 and all the desirable criteria.

The parents couldn’t have been happier and congratulated themselves on gently guiding their daughter. They eagerly turned their attention to their younger more spirited daughter hoping they wouldn’t lose too many more friends. Unfortunately they failed.

Moral to the story?  Parents! Let your child fall in and out of love without restrictions, lists or rules. This freedom will allow them to live their life to the fullest and importantly will allow you to keep the company of good friends who happen to have good sons, and now grandchildren! YOu must think of your grandchildren's future too.

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