While I was on maternity leave, pretending I knew what I was doing with Little Miss, my role became redundant. I loved that job even though I had worked ridiculous hours in a very unhealthy environment. I had been looking forward to going back to work and its challenges but dreaded being away from Little Miss.
I went into mourning and started to wear more black.
I looked for other work but couldn't secure a role that offered flexible work hours and seniority, something I would have had, had I returned to the role I left, or lost.
Recruiters advised that I should take a full time job and work my way to flexibility after a year, more likely two years. Some even advised I just take a role less challenging / demanding.
My black dress code soon became mixed with angry.
I secured a part time role that was challenging. I was made to think and juggle an enormous workload. The role lacked seniority and bells and whistles associated with that. The travel (cheapest not the shortest route) to remote places was not fun or romantic. The hotels were grim. The food allowance was pittance. The untrained monkey (my ego) took another hit.
Black and angry got a new companion, frustration.
I loved being a strategic decision maker. I loved managing budgets and people. The part time role didn't offer that, but for once in a very long time, I worked with lovely, smart dedicated professionals, in an environment that was healthy and free of nasty politics.
Black, angry, frustration…meet acceptance.
About two weeks into the role, I fell pregnant. I didn't realise until I was just over 3 months that I was pregnant. Yes of course there were the typical signs, but I assumed I was reacting poorly to returning to work and the job. I missed Little Miss terribly, and it was not the job I had envisaged returning to.
I drowned frustration with joy.
I took a year off when I had the Baby and we moved to Greece for a few months. It’s now coming to an end. Soon we will be kissing the sun and great food, friends, relatives and even neighbors good bye to return to London.
Include sad in black, angry and acceptance.
This blog forms part of Lisa Lintern's Melodramatic Me blog a day challenge.