Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Show tunes gone flat.

So yesterday Little Miss decided she wanted to walk home from the park wearing one shoe and despite the elements refused to wear her coat.

I transitioned from gentle coach, encouraging coach, firm mummy, scowling mummy to I can’t take the screaming any more, let her win this one mummy.
Determined to draw more attention to us, she sang loudly, belting out her show tunes with the determination of a performer auditioning for that one role that was theirs since birth.

Ok, she's not belting out her show tunes, they are mine.  The very show tunes that replace frowns, tiredness and scowls with sunshine, smiles, hope and Grease style dancing. 
After she worked her way through Hairspray’s soundtrack (at only 3, her version is generally quite short. She doesn’t know all the words) She turned her attention to the Sound of Music. All the while, she carried her pack of cheese sticks in one hand as though they were fragile chicks.
Each person we walked by smiled  or patted her head.  So taken with the attention, Little Miss began to  skip.
As I watched her happily make her way down the street a few things struck me as this stubborn little mite splashed her way through puddles not worrying about her now soaked sock.
Hearing her laugh unselfconsciously, seeing her smile, having her cuddle give me a hug to last for eternity makes even the best show tune flat. 
She is pure sunshine. She brings warmth, and giggles and magic and fun.  I can’t wait to watch her grow up and go on crazy funfilled adventures only to come home with a fulfilled exhausted smile.
My heart breaks however a little every time I think she is inching closer to the realisation that some people and children can be cruel and hurtful.
I want to hold her hand when she wakes up to the commercial, materialistic competitive world we have created that is judgemental, competitive and money orientated.
Each time I witness an older child or kids in general tell her ‘she cant’’ or ‘ you’re too little’ or ‘ I don’t want to play with you’  I feel as though I have punched in the face about 1000 times.  I don’t  intervene. 
She has to learn to stand her ground. It doesn’t happen often – like all children, she is mostly well liked and plays easily with others. She is also very happy to play on her own or with her sister.
If there is nasty snatching, pulling, punching, name calling – of course I get involved. I want her to be empowered enough to say ‘Stop’ or  ‘ Don’t’ or ‘Go away’. 
How to do this  when all I want to do is wrap her  in cotton wool or bubble wrap – whatever it takes to prevent her from having to deal with any sadness, nastiness or rejection.  Impossible I know.
I relish in the short time I have with her where she:
·         gives cuddles and kisses to consistently throughout the day and doesn’t care who is looking,

·         wants to hold my hand everytime we leave our home

·         she turns and waves to me every so often at the park

·         she seeks our company

·         doesn’t allow anyone , not even me to stop her from doing just what she wants to do. Be it stand barefoot in the street, sing at the top of her lungs or laugh happily on her way to the corner store.
I will be there for her when she needs a cuddle, kiss or talk to take away any doubt, confusion or hurt. I simply pray that that day will never happen. 
What is your favorite show tune?

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Sleep depraved and deprived

Ok, who was that soft around the waist and head mummy moron that uploaded a blog of unconditional love and baby blah blah 'she is so cute I just can't get enough of her'?

Call the doctor. Really - I don't know that woman. Today I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and aside from the 'softness around the waist' issue - I was terrified. There was nothing soft about the woman staring blankly at me.

I will never be able to erase that image from my mind...

That woman (yes, in this sleep depraved and deprived state I speak in the third person) has consulted Gina Ford, Tizzie's 'Save our Sleep', and tried controlled (and uncontrolled - oops that is me, back to first person) crying.   I have watched The Nanny. I have consulted the Baby Whisperer. I have read and researched.   I have tried 'The Deep End Approach' (no dirty jokes here please, am too tired to laugh) - all have failed. I now use the 'No Approach.'

That cute chubby cherub just won't sleep. So much so is her determination to stay awake - that even I am beginning to question how cute she is. Something changed. She just woke up one day and thought, 'No, I am not going to sleep when I am told to. I refuse routine.'

Add Little Miss to the equation.  A stranger at restaurant recently called her Diva.  Not far from the truth I quietly mused.  Last night, or rather this morning Little Miss put on her best show performance. Between 1 am and 3 am our neighbors' had the pleasure of hearing the world's loudest tantrum.  I expect The Baby's refusal to sleep disturbed Diva and this set her off.

So back to The Baby Whisperer, back to Gina and Tizzie and of course The Nanny......great books, well done, thanks for printing and sharing but your techniques DON"T WORK.

I have joined that sorry group of mums on mummy websites sharing painful sleep deprived stories asking or begging for help. I have tried and tested different techniques for weeks and weeks on end (yes I know consistency is key). All have failed. 

If I had the energy I would throw myself a huge tantrum and scream it all out. If I weren't typing I would be raiding the cupboards looking for some gin, or scotch. If only they would sleep,  then I could stop moaning, boring myself and you and write something new!

Some people want world peace, others want money, I want 8 full uninterrupted hours of deep, restful sleep, so I can start to think about anything else other than sleeping.

Are you sleep deprived? What is your story?