Mother Plucker

So it’s 1.50 am and I should have been asleep hours ago. When I put the kids to sleep at 7, I squeeze in an hour nap too - to allow me the energy to get final things done for the next day. 

Now I can’t sleep.  A packet of crisps and a chocolate biscuit (or 5) later – my eyes are wide open.

I can hear Mr. Right (though today he should be Mr Lucky) snoring and I feel like shoving a pillow over his face. It’s not the snoring that bothers me.  It’s the fact that he can sleep through my insomnia, the girls crying, the alarm, the neighbor’s washing machine, and pretty much anything (and because I haven't done it yet is why he is Mr Lucky).

  

I look in the mirror and see that my eyebrows are threatening an invasion in the space above my nose.   I don’t want the Frida Kahlo look but can’t be bothered to do anything about it. My eyebrows threaten to get up and walk away. If only they would walk around my face, pick up the hairs above my lip and wonder off the side of my face forever. But no, I am going to have to find someone willing to create a clearing.

The thought of the pain makes me wonder whether the Frida look can come back in. I have noticed bigger bushier eyebrows in the magazines (and sent a silent prayer of thanks to those magazine fashion editors who crush a girls confidence simply by approving a look and having that look published). But will they go so far and approve the monobrow? One can only live in hope. 

It’s not just a cause for me. I look at my two angelic cubs sleeping away and wonder if it would be criminal to pluck their eyebrows now? Ok, one is only 9 months old but should I introduce her to the pain now so she develops a tolerance for it??

I am too frightened to look down at my legs, let alone lift up my arm to see what is hiding underneath.

‘Yes, winter is here’, says Mr. Right as he runs his fingers through the hair on my legs.  He shakes his head in wonder and says, ‘Does it really keep you warm?’ Why not maintain it and wear warmer clothes?

I smile so sweetly that it wipes the smile off his face. ‘Sorry, of course you don’t have time and energy’ Right answer, but it leaves me grumpy.

I promise myself I will defuzz next time I manage to have a shower without an audience. My 2 year old has taken to standing in the bathroom when I am showering. It’s sweet but kind of scary.