Monday, 24 November 2014

Fear of the smiling blob

The children are playing independently, I have an opportunity to meet my personal deadline for a blog.

I am stuck for what to write.

The last two weeks I have been lying awake between 1 am and 6 am, my mind swirling with ideas, funny anecdotes, plans for adventures. And today, now that I have time and space to think.. nothing.

This state of paralysis has to to with the fact that last night, for the first time in a long time, I fell into such a deep slumber, despite sharing a single bed with Little Miss that the back of my nose and throat are sore after a deep heartfelt and continuous snore.

I silently breathe a sigh of relief. I am currently sporting a Madonna 80's hairstyle. The no longer subtle regrowth, hair in desperate need of a cut and treatment, combined with a constant snore can't be attractive. Mr Lucky hasn't noticed (rather commented - that is why he is Mr Lucky).  The sigh has slowly turned from relief to worry.

Having had a good night sleep means my mind has finally had time to rest. Switch off, relax. This makes me uncomfortable.

How is it that I am more organised, creative and composed when I am absolutely exhausted and sleep deprived?  I get excited when I wake up and challenge the day with a multiple of tasks (menial and sometimes fun) and feel satisfied when all are achieved.

I blog, keep house (well try to), cook (again, I spend time in the kitchen, what I produce is edible but certainly not dinner party appropriate). I play with the children, I work, I do coffee with friends, I take the children to parks, activities, museums. I confuse Mr Lucky by complaining I am tired but can't seem to stand still for a second.  All on about three hours sleep a day.

I have a new worry.  When I have had a good night's sleep I am a walking relaxed zombie with little ability to do anything constructive.  I worry - what will happen when my body and mind finally wake up one day and say - enough.  We are tired. We can't keep up with this grueling exhausting lifestyle?

Will I become a relaxed, mindless, smiling person, with good hair, who doesn't snore, but who is unproductive and who is (my greatest fear)... just a blob?

Image: Smiling Girl Face, courtesy of

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