A friend and I recently exchanged war stories about our families. We slowly, tentatively revealed our scars. I think she showed me all of hers. I couldn’t. Mine are far too deep, too many to show all at once.
I glossed over some recent incidences, the last ones that prompted me to yell ‘Enough’ for that final time. She didn’t say much. She is a great believer that people come into and out of our lives for a reason. So too do all experiences, good and bad.
Sometimes I think she is an earth angel. Here to bring support, guidance and honesty. Other times I think she is just a good new friend. Either way, I am happy she is in my life.
‘You were simply born into the wrong family’ she said.
What a revelation. Honestly. I had never thought about it that way.
I agreed and realised that is the simplest, nicest and most honest way to describe my relationship with my family.
I don’t share their life values. I don’t agree with their rules, judgments and lifestyle. Their behavior, treatment and value systems are out of whack with mine.
Having read thousands of books, talked to many, wasted years of my life agonizing and wondering ‘what the hell?’ – this simple sentence sums up my entire family life experience neatly.
I don’t talk about them or the situation often, but some are curious and ask. Knowing somebody’s background gives a person depth. Knowing mine gives a person insight into those occasional dark moments, momentary sad silences and hopefully rare odd behavior.
I used to struggle to describe my family without attracting pity or strange looks. I would either lie and say they were great or I would say the truth…. a second with my family is like being in a real live version of the movie Saw, and each and every sequel. Of late, they started to affect me physically. My body reacted badly each time we spoke or communicated.
‘Born into the wrong family’ says the above in a nicer, simpler less dramatic way.
Having found the right description, I also say a sad goodbye to the family I was born into. There were some, very few, good times. Somewhere in that darkness, when in the public eye there was a sense of unity and of course love. That is why my experience is hard to believe for some. Regardless, those few times I cherish. I still love you but in all honesty, I really seriously don’t want to and can’t be a part of you anymore. My physical and emotional well being is just too important.
I am embracing the family I created. The family not just limited to my beautiful happy wholesome naughty cheeky children. My children and I have grandma’s and grand pa’s aunts’ and uncles, some that have no blood or marriage ties but are bonded and blended together with laughter, love and life.
A family that argues but forgives, a family with faults, but tries to improve them, a family that has different opinions, lifestyles and views and celebrates these rather than frown on them in disapproval.
Farewell wrong family, hello positive bright future and family! I am born again.